Tell Jokes!

A stark warning…

come ooonnnn traiiiin

?50 for fuel
?40000 for a 4x4 car
?2.99 for a petrol









watching a muslim bomber burn priceless

how many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?

cabriaulait said

how many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?

???????   :cheer:

BLUB!!!!!!
 

cabriaulait said

BLUB!!!!!!
 

 :lmao:


LOL what a thicko I am, do you know I read that sentence over and over again to make sure i wasnt reading it wrong and i couldnt see anything wrong with it………. ops:

 :cheer:

i  stayed in last night and ate 15 yoghurts















i was completely mullared

 Caudy, I got that text too its ok.

Weird advert though, surely that doesnt make anyone think "phwoooar I want one of those skodas"

Who is their target audience? Delia Smith!!  


p.s the swear word wasnt that one  

After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing
on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" Protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to
work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God,
I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the
radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo
going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, " All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."
Chief, "Well who is it?"

Cop: "I think its God!"

Chief: "What makes you think its God?"

Cop: "He's got the f**king Pope as a chauffeur!!"

mk1aaron : everyone is talking about the advert, which makes it a successful advertising campaign (everyone knows there's a new Skoda out: I only saw the advert once when I was back in the UK a few weeks ago, but I remember it well. Did you know they dumped the cake afterwards because it had gone stale?).

Logie : I love that joke!

Long winded but put a smile on my face.
Choco, got one for you if I haven't deleted it. Here's one to keep you entertaiment until then!


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.  The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.  Then he grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement,  
somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?!"

"No, what?" replied the man.

"He just ate the cue ball off my table…whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight.  Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."   He finishes his drink, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.  He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.  Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats

The bartender is disgusted.  "Did you see what your monkey just did," he asks?

"No, what" replies the man?

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out and ate it," said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, "replied the man.  "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

:clap:  :clap:  :clap: hehehehe…

haha Logie thats a cracker!

The_Chocoholic : wouldnt surprise me they had to throw it away it must have taken an age to make! I guess alot of people are talking about the car but whats the image in your mind? A big cake that looks like a car! Does it make you want to buy it. Not me  :?

Tell you what is an annoying advert though, the moneysupermarket one, 'spot the difference' how annoying is that!!!!!

Found it, old but classic   AND forgot how rude it was!

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight.

>She was from Quality Street , he was a  Fisherman's Friend.

On the way they stopped at a Yorkie  Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said. "I'm the one with the nuts," he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury
turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.

It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her
Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a
trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he
always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a
scream of Turkish Delight.

When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted
more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and
finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts!!!

---

I don't know that one. I'm pleased to say French adverts are rare and not bad. There's also a bit more nakedness in them, no matter what time of the day or night.

You're right about the image of the big Skoda cake, but then, if you're wondering which car to buy, I think their ploy is that you're more likely to look into a brand that has stuck in your mind from an advertising campaign than the plethora of other brands that have not advertised recently.

…but then, they also had that advertising campaign that said something like "No, really, it's a Skoda" on the back of their cars - cashing in on the dodgy image!

"Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a
scream of Turkish Delight. "

Quality, that was ace      

a couple of poor short ones my dad sent me…probably as old as him aswell    

"My dog Minton keeps eating all my shuttlecocks…..Bad Minton…."

"Why should you never buy Russian underpants?"


…"Chernobyl fallout….."


yeah….il get my coat!  

The_Chocoholic said

mk1aaron : everyone is talking about the advert, which makes it a successful advertising campaign (everyone knows there's a new Skoda out: I only saw the advert once when I was back in the UK a few weeks ago, but I remember it well. Did you know they dumped the cake afterwards because it had gone stale?).

Logie : I love that joke!

the cake was recycled! was broken down for animal feed and compost!

what a waste i would have still eaten it………..






………………..all of it