Tell Jokes!

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc.

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.

He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"

The guy says, "I'm green with NV".

The host replies, "Brilliant come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts.

He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"

She replies, "I'm tickled pink."

The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked, one with his willy in bowl of custard and the other with his willy stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you both doing? You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street. Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?"

Paddy replies, "Welllll, Oim fokn discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair"

parcel forces new budget delivery service (cheap rates per mile)

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
>>
>>He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came
>>into
>>the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people
>>sleep
>>in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
>>
>>A little taken aback, Grandma decided to tell him the truth. "It's called
>>sexual intercourse, darling."
>>
>>Little Tony said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other
>>kids.
>>
>>A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
>>
>>"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds…
>>And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."
>>
>>

true story that, kids still think i'm a bit weird.

Eck, where you get these gems? feckin hilarious!

an elderly couple were in the church at mass when the wife turns to the husband and whispers "i just let a silent fart out, what should i do?"

"get a new battery for your hearing aid" replies husband

Its a tough decision…

Glasgow creche….

     Eck you do make me laugh with these pictures, looks like my local park  

MK1_Arron said

Eck you do make me laugh with these pictures, looks like my local park

Glad you find them funny dude. :wink:

here's a few more…

HAHA ive E-mailed him.

Anyone else come to the conclusion that eck scours the internet for funny stuff all day?

Anyone else love it ?

OOOII did I say you could post my girlfriend on the internet?

haha, Tony. I have wondered where he gets em all from but keep em comin I say.  

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
        "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
       "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

Woman standing looking into mirror
 "I'm Fat, ugly , and I'm getting old, pay me a compliment and make me feel better".



Husbands replies
 "well there's nowt wrong with your eye sight  love"

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?….. Do you really think they look alike, you d*ckhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

Pete :wink:

 Different Dads init

Some short vids this time  
(best with sound)

my favourite is No.4  

Idiot No.1:



Idiot No.2:



Idiot No.3:



Idiot No.4:



Idiot No.5