Tell Jokes!

DO YOU EAT CHOCOLATE?




We were raised on chocolate as kids and even into adulthood.  I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any . It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.  
This is what happens when you eat chocolate! This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.
It could happen to you……or them.

 









 











Chocolate can cause small feet !!


Warn everyone

chocolate can cause small feet            

Makes ur clothes shrink too i was told!  :wink:

Imagine spenin' a night with those four

MK1_Arron said

Imagine spenin' a night with those four

  trying so hard not to…  8O  :?  

MK1_Arron said

Imagine spenin' a night with those four

 8O  you would need several bags of flour for each of them!

They are super hot. I like the one where you cant actually tell if shes wearing any underwear  

I like the one on the far left, her body looks like a face..

   

   

Tale of the Irish Sausage
>
> Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of
> money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one
> Euro.
>
> Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
>
> He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large
> sausage.
>
> Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'
>
> Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
>
> He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of
> Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
>
> Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will
> be in? We haven't got any money!!'
>
> Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'
>
> They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage
> through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
>
> The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
>
> They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all
> for free.
>
> At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any
> more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!'
>
> Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the
> third pub.

A Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman are being chased by some Nazis during the war and run into a barn.

They see a load of sacks and each climb into one.

The Germans arrive and proceed to poke each sack.

First up is the Scotsman; `Meow`, he says

`Ah. Kittens`.

The Englishman goes `Yap,yap`,

`Ah, puppies`.

Lastly they poke the Irishman,

`Potatoes`…

Scotsman, Englishman, and, an Arab are discussing their families.

"I`ve got 10 boys. One more and I`ll have a football team", says the Scotsman,

"I`ve got 14 boys. One more and I`ll have a rugby team", says the Englishman,

"Well…", says, the Arab, "…I`ve got 17 wives. One more and I`ll have a golf course!"

English man, Irish man, Scottish man… all discussing their families.

Englishman: "My son was born on St Georges day so I called him George."

Scotsman: "My son was born on St Andrews day so I called him Andrew".

Irishman: "I don't believe this, wait til I tell our pancake…"

Paddy buys a three thousand piece jigsaw, but is having trouble solving it, so phones Mick for help.

 Mick comes over and Paddy explains,

`It`s got three thousand pieces, but they`re all the same!`

`What`s the picture on the box?`

`It`s a big chicken.`

`Jaysus, Paddy!

It`s a box of cornflakes!`

A young  newly wed couple wanted to join a church. The reverend told
them, 'We have special requirements for new parishioners. You  must abstain from sex for one whole month.'

 The  couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

 When  the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and
the husband obviously very depressed.

 You are back so  soon… Is there a problem?' the Reverend inquired.

 'We are  terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain
from sex for the required month….' the young man replied sadly.

 The Reverend asked  him what happened. 'Well, the first week was
difficult…. However,  we managed to obstain through sheer willpower.

 The second  week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed
to abstain.'

 'However, the third week was  unbearable. We tried cold showers,
 prayer, reading from the  Bible…. anything to keep our minds off carnal
thoughts.

  One afternoon, my wife reached  for a can of paint and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up,  I was  overcome with lust and had my
way with her right then  and there.' Admitted the man, shamefacedly.

'You understand this means you will not  be welcome in our church,'
 stated  the  Reverend.

 'We know.' said the young man,  hanging his head.

 'We're not welcome at  Homebase  either

Eck said

 'We're not welcome at  Homebase  either

         :lmao:  :lmao:  :lmao:  :lmao:

Times when you don't hyphenate your name…..

It?s such a shame that Jeremy Beadle died at a young age….life really did deal him a crap hand


Following the tragic death of tv star Jeremy Beadle, ITV have announced live coverage of his cremation.
So tune in next week for ?You?ve been flamed?.?

Jeremy Beadle has requested his remains be recycled & scattered on his garden.
ITV sources say he could be back in early autumn with ?Watch out Beadles a sprout??

These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department in London.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.


8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?


9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

11. 50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.