Tell Jokes!

Go on, give us a joke…………. I'll start.

A rich bloke from barnsley goes to the jewellers.

"Can tha mek us a gold statue o' mi dog?"

Jeweller asks '18 Carat?'

"No , Chewin a bone' yer daft sod.

 

Woman walks into a pub and asks for a double-entendre

So he gave her one

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," wooders said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," wooders said.

Two young scottish men, Archie and Jock, are sitting
in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

"Ach, it's all going like magic," says Jock. "I've
got everything organized already - the flowers, the
church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the
minister, even ma stag night…."

Archie nods approvingly. "Man, I've even bought a
kilt to be married in!" continues Jock.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's grand, you'll look
pure smart in that! And what's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white."

you got to have a sense of humour….liverpool airport was shut yesterday
for 8 hours due to a :suspiciouus car: apparently it had tax insurance and the radio was still in it                

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: ?Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.? The man then replies: ?Yeah, well we were married 35 years.?

dennis wise getting the mighty leeds back to  the premiership  

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells ?You should have been here at 8:30!? he replies: ?Why? What happened at 8:30??     

If you laugh your a bad person…

It took me a couple of seconds but I laughed, the expression on her face did it for me! hahah

im a bad person lol

i crashed into the back of someone yesterday, at the traffic lights,
wen the bloke got out and i noticed he was a dwarf, he walked over shaking his fist and said im not happy!!  well witch one are you then? i replyed

The Glasgow Airport car bomber has been named..

Mr Sinji Maheed

whilst looking for jokes to steal i came across this: http://www.tshirthell.com/

What do you say to a scouse in court?
Will the defendant please rise!

spencer said

The Glasgow Airport car bomber has been named..

Mr Sinji Maheed

I was told he was called Sinj Ma Jeep  maybe thats the other one?

Micheal Barrymore is to star in a new BBC show………….

its called Only Pools and Corpses

Michael Barrymore was asked if he'll be doin panto this year. He said he doesnt think so as he'd already done A-lad-in four years ago and hasn't heard the last of it