What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

a horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says "why the long face?"

A white horse walks into a bar,the bartender says`we`ve got a whiskey named after you`
the horse looks at him and replies `What…Eric?`

Mushroom walks into a bar, bartender says "sorry mate we don't serve your kind here" mushroom says "why not, I'm a fungi!"

What's round and orange.



An orange.

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

36thCrazyFist said

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

hope you're ok simon!

whatalotafun said

36thCrazyFist said

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

hope you're ok simon!

I can't read what you wrote..?

36thCrazyFist said

whatalotafun said

36thCrazyFist said

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

hope you're ok simon!

I can't read what you wrote..?

take that bra off your face then. stop sniffing it!

whatalotafun said

36thCrazyFist said

whatalotafun said

36thCrazyFist said

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

hope you're ok simon!

I can't read what you wrote..?

take that bra off your face then. stop sniffing it!

Touch?!

Thought of another..

What do you get if you cross a river and a stream..

Wet feet.

What dya call a spaniard whos car has been nicked?



Carlos.

What's the most dangerous insect in the world?

A Hepatitus Bee

Hepatitus B

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Exactly where you left it.

what do you call postman pat on the dole????







pat

Deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Man with spade on head?

Doug

Without spade?

Dougless.

Man with seagull on head?

Cliff.

Whats black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

Micheal Jackson died recently.
Apparently he fell off the wall. Police suspect a smooth criminal was responsable and he was not alone. There was apparently a man in the mirror who was very dangerous and he wanted to be starting somthing even thought Michael told him to beat it and was heard to say leave me alone.
Nobody knows if the suspect was black or white.

Ive got loads more MJ jokes but none that i can post here.

The teacher is playing a guessing game with the kids.
"What have i got behind my back?" she says "i will give you a clue. Its round, red and juicy"
"A tomato" says little Jonny
"No its an apple but i like your thinking" Says the teacher
Jonny sticks up his hand "Miss guess what ive got in my pocket?
"Give me a clue" She says.
"Well" Says Jonny "Its round, hard and its got a head on it"
"Thats disgusting" Says the teacher.
"Its a coin" Says Jonny "But i like your thinking"

And finally…..

Need cheering up??
Watch your wedding video backwards. You will love the bit where she takes off the ring walks down the aisle jumps in the car and leaves.

Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
































Because Ken comes in a different box.

Sorry i couldnt resist ops:

Spudfingers said

Famous Authors

If you're looking for good books then read these:-

"The Great British Fry-up" by Chris P. Bacon
"The Joys of Social Singing" by Carrie Oakey
"How to Tell Your Fortune" by Crystal Ball
"A Career in a Funeral Parlour" by Doug Graves
"The official Guide to Physical Education" by Jim Shorts

"Sliding down the banister" by Ivor Knackeroff
"The cats revenge" by Claud balls
"The russian prostitute" by Nickers ofalot
"Broken windows" by Hu Flung Ball

What goes clip?
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A horse with one leg!

The sunshine is being blamed for the death of Michael Jackson, but he actually tripped over his kids pram, so don't blame it on the sunshine blame it on the buggy!!
   
Sorry.

Whats te difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot ??


One's a Kangaroo, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift!  :mrgreen:



Did you know that Al Qaeda are hiding exposives in tins of Alphabetti Spaghetti ???

If any of them go off……..It could spell disaster !!!!  :mrgreen: